TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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