I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
