On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize