Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
