i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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