Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
