Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
