CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
So squirting runs in the family.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
