yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
