laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
