Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
