Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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