I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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