My nipple is on Facebook.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
