I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
