i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
