I could have mohawked her pubes.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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