Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize