no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
