Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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