Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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