My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
