I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
