Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
