Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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