What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
