What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
