so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Randomize
