I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
