It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
