Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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