I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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