I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
