Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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