Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My vagina is officially offended.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
