He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
