just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
