well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
