New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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