I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
