This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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