There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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