so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
