and i looked up. we had an audience...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
