Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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