Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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