and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
