So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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