Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
