Are we in a gay sports bar?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
