I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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