Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
