he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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