i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I've blown a few things in my day
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
