Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
