I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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