the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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