im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
