capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
