i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
