Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
