WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
