I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
The best revenge is premature balding
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
