Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
