He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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