i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
