And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
This toilet bowl is my home.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
