if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
