please come you make the beer taste better
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Drunk walkin through police station. America
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
